RANTS (OCTOBER 2007 - FEBRUARY 2008)

Dateline: February 25, 2008, 11:01 EST

A PUNCH-LINE IN SEARCH OF A JOKE

...only it plays like an out-of-tune Japanese Stratocaster with four strings...d-e-a-d...

Dateline: February 17, 2007, 2:23 EST

LAST BLOG STANDING

So we’re closing in on the 2 year anniversary of this blog (April Fools Day, 2006, was the launch date)...and sometimes it really does feel like a depression-era Marathon Dance Contest. Tired brain, achy fingers, thought paralysis, joke deprivation...hungry, thirsty, dirty, arthritic, nauseous. Six weeks to go...what’s the consolation prize again?

Dateline: February 16, 2007, 12:02 EST

GROWN UP RIGHT

There are people in this enlightened land of ours who do not read...who have never been moved by a piece of music or a poem or a play...who do not take comfort in viewing modern art...who’s main interests in life are playing golf and watching the fluctuations of the stock market. These people will never, ever, under any circumstances, be caught dead reading a comic book...and the name by which we would describe these post-modern paragons is conservative.

Dateline: February 13, 2008, 5:32 EST 

THE WISDOM OF RIMBAUD (FROM A SEASON IN HELL, 1873)

“I loved idiot paintings, obsolete literature, badly-spelled pornographic works, novels by our grandmothers, fairy tales, little children’s books, old operas.”

Dateline: February 8, 2008, 5:32 EST 

FAST READ VS. SLOW READ

Recently eyeballed a crime graphic novel from the ‘90’s...felt somewhat ponderous and wordy. We would contend that part of the appeal of crime (or pulp) fiction is the rollicking, hair-trigger experience. It’s the difference between The Brothers Karamazov (which is basically an 800-page whodunit) and Jim Thompson’s After Dark, My Sweet...both books are highly enjoyable, but only one of them is pulp. A tasty crime novel (graphic or otherwise) should take at most 3 sittings to digest.

Dateline: February 7, 2008, 12:19 EST 

THE MORE ONE SEES IT...

Is there such a thing as art that grows on you? Art that is an acquired taste, along the lines of Tanqueray Gin or Beluga Caviar? And as they say about acquired tastes: once the habit is developed, it is so much harder to drop.

Dateline: January 21, 2008, 11:02 EST 

REAL COOL VS. FAKE COOL

Is there such a thing as real “cool” any more? Has this word been cheapened beyond recognition? Forget Miles Davis and Chester Himes…on the odometer of cutting edge phraseology, “cool” pushes the needle about as far as “bitchin’”, "super" and "rad". To illustrate: cool is the word your mother uses to describe Mary Kate's new boyfriend.

Dateline: January 17, 2008, 7:17 EST 

OFF THE ROAD

Recently tried reading Kerouac’s On The Road, but it didn’t stick. Superbly crafted, amazingly well-written, engaging, assuaging, blah, blah, blah…we had the same reaction to it as we did to Seth’s Wimbledon Green. Given where our mind is (or isn’t) at the moment…just ain’t our Cup o’ Kool-Aid.

Dateline: January 14, 2008, 10:42 EST 

A WRITER’S WHAT?

There’s an old expression (which sounds vaguely like a mixed compliment) when describing an author who the public ignores: he was a writer’s writer. What exactly does this mean? He sold a grand total twenty books in his lifetime, all of them to other writers? Or, the work was so profound, it could only be understood by his word slinging peers? Do they ever say: he was a comedian’s comedian…he was a cartoonist’s cartoonist…he was a hairdresser’s hairdresser…

Dateline: January 9, 2008, 5:55 EST 

LEONARD STARR ON WRITING (1971)

“It turned out that I was always the one asking “How about this?” Then the writer would go home and type up what I said so I thought the procedure wasn’t getting us very far. Story conferences are boring to me, and when the typed result of our conversation came back with nothing contributed by the writer, I decided that I was actually paying for dictation. So this is why I started writing the strip myself.”

Dateline: January 8, 2008, 11:09 EST 

ROSS MACDONALD ON HOLLYWOOD (1956)

“Some people think the public will swallow anything – any stinking crud – but I know different. I’m a student of the problem. They swallow just so much, and then we lose them. Especially these days, when the industry’s under attack from all sides. We got to keep our glamour dry for the public.”

Dateline: January 7, 2008, 1:32 EST 

ROSS MACDONALD ON WRITING (1956)

“The old plot repeated itself like a moron’s recurrent wish fulfillment dream.”

Dateline: January 3, 2008, 7:47 EST 

A THIN LINE BETWEEN GORGEOUS AND SPECIAL

It dawned on us, after reading a DC compilation of ‘80’s comics, that a difficult angle and an artistic hand-slip can destroy a panel’s worth of artwork. There is this image, which is now eternally emblazoned in our skull, of the Black Canary’s profile…and her face appears to be suffering from sequential autism. Why did we stare at this panel for over fifteen minutes? And what did the poor Bird Lady do to deserve such deranged delineation?

Dateline: December 14, 2007, 5:15 EST 

THROW THOSE FANCY DESCRIPTIONS AWAY

The big trick to writing comics is to think in terms of specific visuals. Misty, metaphoric, overly ornamental script instructions are essentially useless (i.e. “her hair was as golden as a sunset over Catalina”). Her hair might be “blonde”; her hair might even be “golden blonde”. Hell, her “rich, full, golden blonde hair” might even “curl gracefully over her child-like shoulders”. But a “sunset over Catalina”?? Eh? Not necessary. Over-kill.

Dateline: December 11, 2007, 8:32 EST 

VAL’S VICTIMS

Just watched (again) a bunch of Val Lewton flicks. Quintessential “B” movies: campy plots, suspect acting, 75 minute running times, all done on a shoestring budget. Apparently they filmed The Seventh Victim on an 18 day shooting schedule, which seems ridiculously fast. The best part of these pictures (aside from Boris Karloff in Bedlam and The Body Snatcher) is the direction of Jacques Tourneur…that guy could make a brick wall look exciting. No joke!

Dateline: December 4, 2007, 2:59 EST 

HAPPY TIMES FOR ALL

So we recently encountered a Man With The Magic Pencil…and after considerable sober confabulation, he agreed to render 600 panels worth of art in exchange for a six month supply of Red Bull, Cheez Whiz, Wonder Bread and ephedrine. Jokes are being written. Lead is being sharpened. Ink is being spilled. Something could-might-maybe happen in 2008. Happy times for all!

Dateline: December 1, 2007, 2:28 EST

MASTERPIECE FUNNIES 

We’re ambivalent about high-brow, “literary” adaptations when it comes to comics/graphic novels. We love Henry James, but doing a comic book version of The Princess Casamassima seems somewhat excessive. Will pictures shed new light on the original text? Forget funnies from E. M. Forster, man…let’s see some from Donald Goines.  

Dateline: November 28, 2007, 8:09 EST

LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR LESS-THAN-PLEASING COMICS

Recently had to abort a couple of comics we tried reading…one was some Vertigo thing from a few years back…a meandering, picaresque, action-packed Story that went off the cliff somewhere around Issue 5. The other was a Euro-import that was pretty and pleasant, but as unsatisfying as an empty pastry. 

Dateline: November 19, 2007, 3:21 EST 

ANOTHER SHOW, ANOTHER PLANET

The Big Apple Comic Con is une experience formidable. Low ceilings, ninja swords, dark lighting, dead ends, wrestlers…and (no exaggeration), the filthiest bathrooms this side of Tijuana. 

Dateline: November 13, 2007, 7:07 EST 

SLIMY WITH VIOLENCE

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that both Gipi’s Notes for a War Story and Wagner/Locke’s A History of Violence feature a prominent character who gets his eye ripped out…but we’ve recently been pondering the use of “on-panel violence” and “off-panel violence”. Both books conveyed a powerful realism. And both methods of depicting that realism were effective: while A History of Violence was certainly more gruesome (the over-the-top ending was just short of ridiculous), the overt bloodshed did not take precedence over Gipi’s “off-panel” approach. Further proof that there’s more than one way to skin a scoundrel.

Dateline: November 11, 2007, 2:45 EST 

PASTICHE CITY BLUES

We’ve always wondered what St. Raymond would have thought about Steranko’s 1976 homage comic Chandler: Red Tide. Probably would have hated it…and not because of the lack of word balloons. Chandler’s use of language is deceptively complex…and with one-liners like, “The room was not unoccupied” or “The big silence was over”, Steranko just misses. Then again, Chandler (the writer) was known to be a tad touchy on the subject and even found fault with Ross MacDonald’s writing style. Go figure.

Dateline: November 8, 2007, 3:42 EST 

RAYMOND CHANDLER ON WRITING (1944)
 
"The detective or mystery story as an art form has been so thoroughly explored that the real problem for a writer now is to avoid writing a mystery story while appearing to do so." 

Dateline: November 6, 2007, 12:12 EST

SAD COMMENTARY

We have no recollection as to the first comic periodical we ever bought (the ‘70’s were a juvenile blur)…but for some reason, we do recall the price: still only twenty five cents. And this poignant fact makes us feel dismally dated. Hell, it’s not too different from your grand-daddy’s grandiloquent claim that, “I can remember ‘em when they were a nickel!”

Dateline: November 5, 2007, 3:42 EST 
ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS AGO TODAY
 
It just occurred to us that approximately 3.5 years from now, the 150th Anniversary of the United States Civil War will present itself. Will there be a celebration? Will anyone care (outside of the usual Saturday–afternoon rifle-toting Antietam-recreationalists)? Will the Incredible Hulk team up with the ghost of Jeff Davis?

Dateline: November 3, 2007, 11:41 EST 

WEIRD SHIT MAN

What exactly was the deal with the Haunted Tank? We just waded through 500 pages of the Showcase re-issue and it left us pondering. The art was splendid, but the premise? Was the Centennial Anniversary of the 1861 United States Civil War really of interest to the 1960’s comic book reader? It reminded us of Phil Dick’s We Can Build You, wherein a Civil War-era hero makes an appearance and helps solve modernity’s problems. Civil War, man…Civil War!

Dateline: November 2, 2007, 1:23 EST 

PAMPHLETS DU JOUR

These days, most of the comics we’re reading are in trade paperback format. Is this wrong? Are we contributing to the demise of the single issue pamphlet format? What to order, what to read…the four-dollar-appetizer (with a side of advertising) or the fifteen-dollar-main-course (which takes forever to cook)?

Dateline: October 27, 2007, 10:51 EST

BUGS IN THE SYSTEM

Doonesbury is a seminal strip that we’ve always loved. We have fond memories of perusing it as an unformed pre-adolescent in the ‘70’s. Like the humor Richard Pryor and early SNL, the strip was groundbreaking: while other dailies were stuck using 1950’s “Gee Whiz” slapstick shtick, Doonesbury was talking sex / drugs / politics / war. Surprisingly, we’ve been reading some of Trudeau’s recent strips and wondering if, perhaps, a bit of fatigue has set in. Dunno…maybe it’s just us. Or maybe the question is this: can a comic strip continue for 35+ years and still remain as smart / topical / relevant as it was in Year One?

Dateline: October 23, 2007, 4:47 EST

PULL THE PLUG, HE’S GONE

So we were just checking out a recent Beetle Bailey strip and we were amazed at how lame it was. Blame it on America’s latest war (or blame it on our maturing tastes), but the jokes/characters seemed so painfully out-of-date. It read like listening to your dementia-addled Grandpa try to do an impersonation of Don Knotts.

Dateline: October 21, 2007, 10:45 EST

TICKET TO NOWHERE

If one is interested in understanding America (a la Jacob Riis / de Tocqueville / Dickens), our recommendation is to ride a peak hour Metro North express train from Grand Central Station to Bridgeport, Ct. on a Friday afternoon. See how the other half live! We’re talking two people for each seat, a dried layer of filth over everything, stale air reeking with the stench of vomit and urine, shrill cell phone conversations, ticket collectors with boozy breath, hacking, snoring, sneezing. It’s not a train: it’s a homeless shelter on rusty wheels.

Dateline: October 10, 2007, 3:48 EST 

DELAYED REACTION
 
Truth be told, our “Web Presence” is fairly awful. Life/work/travel have a cruel and unusual habit of constantly interfering with our free time. At this point, we usually hear about the latest Comic Book Biz scoop/controversy around two weeks after the fact. Quite embarrassing really…

Dateline: October 8, 2007, 9:42 EST 

CORNELL WOOLRICH ON NEW YORK CITY (1950)
 
“It was on his mind all morning – new york, New York, NEW YORK – it kept looming larger and larger, like a huge maw waiting to devour him. Its stylized skyscraper outline became the jagged teeth of the maw.”

Dateline: October 4, 10:54 EST

PATRICIA HIGHSMITH ON WRITING (1983)

“A lack of invention on the writer's part cannot be covered up by sensational action and clever prose. It is a kind of laziness to write the obvious, which does not entertain, really. The ideal is an unexpected turn of events, reasonably consistent with the characters of the protagonists. Stretch the reader's credulity, his sense of logic, to the utmost - it is quite elastic - but don't break it. In this way, you will write something new, surprising and entertaining to both yourself and the reader.”

Dateline: October 2, 2007, 11:32 EST 

PINK SLIPS & CANCER STICKS

The first time we ever smoked a cigarette was in Guilford, CT. We were 12 years old. The year was 1979. The cigarette was a Camel. And now an educator in Guilford just got shit-canned for assigning a Dan Clowes funny-book as Summer reading to a 13 year old school girl. Spooky.