RANTS (APRIL 2006 - SEPTEMBER 2006)
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Dateline: September 27, 2006, 3:51 EST …BUT IS IT A COMIC BOOK? Was S&B released in periodic installments? No. Were pen & ink used to create the final art & lettering? No. Are there advertisements / product placement inside? No. Will the principle characters be used in a future, ongoing series? No. Hmmmm, perhaps S&B really is a graphic novel after all…whatever the hell “graphic novel” means! |
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Dateline: September 20, 2006, 1:25 EST THE EXHAUSTION PRINCIPLE, Redux Tired…very tired…bones aching…chronic exhaustion…vertigo…splitting headache…pressure everywhere…need many, many drugs… |
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Dateline: September 18, 2006, 1:12 EST SOMETHING THAT CAN’T BE FOUND IN BOOKS If you are operating in the “realism realm”, you will need to inject your masterpiece with a hyper-reality. Search for the “real” in dark alleys, on scraps of greasy newspaper, in the dead of night when rats, cats and transients exchange caution for comfort… |
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Dateline: September 16, 2006, 11:24 EST …AND C-PLOT? C-Plot has no chance of winning. It is an also-ran, a diversion…only entered into the race to provide humor. Dress it up in fancy silks and give it a colorful name. |
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Dateline: September 15, 2006, 9:07 EST A-PLOT VS. B-PLOT The use of multiple plot threads is essential when writing your masterpiece. B-Plot should sprint to the lead, giving the illusion that it might win the race. A-Plot should hold back until approaching the backstretch, then make a furious charge to the finish line. In the end, B-Plot will be destroyed…and A-Plot will emerge triumphant. |
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Dateline: September 10, 2006, 5:11 EST APPEALING TO EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME No, we do not anticipate having universal appeal. That is to say, some of the paying public will invariably be turned off. We understand that certain customers have made up their minds as how comics should look…and that’s fine with us. These consumers are being well served by “professional” art and predictable story lines. |
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Dateline: August 31, 2006, 2:45 EST ANSWERS + JOKES It isn’t enough for a virtual voice (or “a live journal” or “a blog”) to simply transmit information. When a digital diary becomes too mechanical, too monotonous, it begins to read like a Federal Income Tax Form. The most successful “virtual voices” entertain and provide instruction. |
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Dateline: August 21, 2006, 9:58 EST GOOD TRIUMPHING OVER EVIL…WITH NO BLOODSHED The formula worked for 25 years (roughly 1958-1984) but the novelty has worn off. Evil is finally getting a chance, and rivers of blood have begun to flow. |
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Dateline: August 18, 2006, 2:23 EST VIOLENCE = ENTERTAINMENT Ah yes…violence. Violence! We have embraced this deviant devise in our ponderous polemic, and we are not ashamed. Bloodshed looks particularly good on paper and fist-fights remind us of the good ol’ days in Alphabet City. Forget about Granny’s pacemaker or what the sputtering moralists down the street might say. Violence, folks, violence! It’s as American as Apple Pie. |
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Dateline: August 15, 2006, 1:29 EST …AND WE WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING After consuming countless bottles of bubbly, we’ve come to the following conclusion: we wouldn’t change a thing! Yes, S+B has warts, flaws, oddities…but so what? The finished product is a result of the “chance of assembly”, and most of it surpassed our expectations… |
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Dateline: August 11, 2006, 1:45 EST ANTI-WAITING Don’t wait. Work on something else. There will be down time. Take advantage of it…do a tactical switch and move onto the next project. Everything will still be waiting for you…in the back of your mind! |
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Dateline: August 7, 2006, 11:16 EST WE WERE WRONG We arrived back in Gotham today and came to the following conclusion: we were wrong! The power appears to be working, and the rioting and looting have been (temporarily) postponed. |
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Dateline: August 6, 2006, 6:56 EST THE PUBLIC’S DOMAIN That vast reservoir of information, otherwise known as the Public Domain, has served us well from time to time. The price is right (free) and stock images save us time. Take advantage of this trough…and you won’t have to worry about litigation! |
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Dateline: August 4, 2006, 4:28 EST DOG DAY MORNING, AFTERNOON, NIGHT We are taking an extended break from everything. And we mean everything! It’s currently 105 degrees Fahrenheit in Gotham and the asphalt is melting. Rumors of blackouts…disaster is inevitable… |
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Dateline: July 31, 2006, 4:22 EST GATHERED FROM COINCEDENCE Coincidences? Naturally. Remember, its comic book writing, so there really is no misuse of this device. Villains will appear most improbably, and the dead don’t stay dead for long… |
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Dateline: July 28, 2006, 1:56 EST THE “SALES FIGURE” ARGUMENT, VOL. 2 (OR, DEATH OF A CRITIC) Critic One: “I loved it!” Critic Two: “I hated it!” Accountant One: “It turned a profit!” Accountant Two: “The public loved it!” The final verdict: “It’s great!” |
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Dateline: July 27, 2006, 1:55 EST THE “SALES FIGURE” ARGUMENT Perhaps if we are fortunate enough to sell a single copy of S+B, we will proudly broadcast the news across the digital landscape…or maybe not. We are most confused when this information enters the conversation. What is the fascination with these numbers anyway? Why does this form of public accounting have any relevance? Why is entertainment now solely judged by receipts? |
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Dateline: July 24, 2006, 11:16 EST INSIDE EVIDENCE, Vol. 2 It’s all inside your skull. Find it. The trick is to decide beforehand what you’re looking for. This will save you time and energy. |
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Dateline: July 20, 2006, 4:16 EST INSIDE EVIDENCE All the material you will ever need is inside you. The challenge is to channel this information, to locate it as it swirls around the edges of your imagination. It will take months, years even, before you gather all the little pieces. They will come to you sporadically…in monotonous waking hours, in dreams, in altered states, on walks through the darkness. Keep your antenna extended, and always have a pen ready in case lightning should strike. |
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Dateline: July 19, 2006, 12:28 EST MICKEY SPILLANE: HE HAD A FULL HEAD OF HAIR We were saddened to learn that Mickey Spillane, the pulp fiction writer, passed from this planet on July 18, 2006. Spillane was a master. At one point, the public really, really liked him. |
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Dateline: July 13, 2006, 11:31 EST UNKNOWN VS. DISCOVERED Unknown: 6,525,486,603 (world’s population as of 7/13/06). Discovered: 14 (number of people who have read S+B so far) |
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Dateline: July 10, 2006, 8:34 EST THE B-COMIC BUDGET Pens: $50.00. Paper: $40.00. Glue: $8.00. White-out: $6.00. Tape: $3.00. Total Budget for our new, Top Secret project: $107.00 + tax. |
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Dateline: July 7, 2006, 5:09 EST NO ESCAPE FROM THE HYPE As we toil away in this dark, dreary underground, we are aware of the lights and noises outside. It is the sound of self-satisfaction, of money-making, of slick packaging and slicker hype. We are baffled and skeptical: we work by candlelight, with disposable pens and scraps of newspaper pulp. |
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Dateline: June 29, 2006, 4:21 EST PRO-SEQUEL We are decidedly pro-sequel…when it comes to FOE! That’s right, F.O.E. is the code name to the S+B sequel. The current status of this project is pre-pre-production! While F.O.E. is years (possibly decades) from being completed, printed and ready for public consumption, we are eagerly anticipating the day when the project status loses one “pre” and becomes classified as being in “pre-production”! |
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Dateline: June 28, 2006, 5:41 EST ANTI-SEQUEL We are decidedly anti-sequel…except, of course, when it comes to the sequel to S+B! Sequels are nothing more than a cheap and easy way to milk the “product”, a way to extract more revenue from the withering idea. Now there are exceptions: sequels that are necessary to expand the original idea, to reveal critical details – The Godfather (Part II) comes to mind…as does the sequel to S+B! |
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Dateline: June 22, 2006, 7:51 EST B-COMICS We are working with a limited budget and our production schedule is constantly changing. Because of this fact, we’re no longer able to afford the “best” or “most expensive” talent. Our artist is capable and hard working, but he is strictly blue collar. He has created something different, and it sure isn’t pretty. Welcome to the world of B-Comics. |
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Dateline: June 19, 2006, 9:19 EST TIMING IS ALMOST EVERYTHING Timing is important…for books that aren’t very important…for books that won’t stand the test of time. They say timing is everything. We say nonsense! If a book is timeless, then timing is nothing. |
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Dateline: June 14, 2006, 6:56 EST BEST WORK YET Not to disparage your previous accomplishments, but whatever you’re working in needs to be your best work yet. Convince yourself of that fact. If it isn’t, go back to pumping gas. |
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Dateline: June 12, 2006, 1:52 EST LETTERING We have a new-found respect for letterers. This ancient craft is definitely NOT for those who have difficulty concentrating / spelling / writing / seeing / editing / proof reading. |
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Dateline: June 7, 2006, 3:26 EST THE EXHAUSTION PRINCIPLE Tired…very tired…of capes and their franchises and their heroic pursuits. Surely the novelty has worn off…surely there is a need for experimentation…surely there are some new ideas? |
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Dateline: June 4, 2006, 1:17 EST WALK LIKE A REPUBLICAN You’re writing comics, so it’s essential to get inside the right-wing mind. Some of the more legendary comic book heroes are Republicans. Just as some of the more legendary Republicans are comic book heroes. |
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Dateline: June 3, 2006, 12:11 EST BOUTIQUE COMICS …and then we would like to take a moment to address all the “boutique comics” out there. Listen: we like alternative comics, but do they have to be so neatly drawn and so perfectly polite? Sometimes we feel that the only thing missing from such product is a cute little bow wrapped around a lavender scented gift box. Where are the coffee stains, the sweat and the tears? |
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Dateline: May 30, 2006, 1:16 EST PLAYING WITH PAIN You will suffer hardships and injuries. You will suffer mental anguish and physical pain. Your back will hurt and your eyes will become strained. Finish the job! Stay in the ring and keep on swinging! |
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Dateline: May 27, 2006, 11:14 EST SON IT’S ALL PART OF YOUR JOB You’re writing graphic novels, so you might as well become an expert on lettering. Before reading 17 books on typography, you should start with the classics. Go straight to the Gutenberg Bible, veer to the right at the Book of Kells; proceed to The Shakespeare Folios; take your first left at Johnson’s Dictionary; make sure to hit Alex Raymond, Stuart Davis and Chester Gould. If you have the time, don’t miss the exciting Ed Ruscha. |
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Dateline: May 25, 2006, 11:28 EST THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY May 20th marked the three year anniversary of the starting date for S+B. To celebrate, we forgot. Promise not to do it next year. Only 22 more years until the 25th anniversary edition is released. |
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Dateline: May 18, 2006, 8:22 EST EXPLAINING THE OBVIOUS When drawing characters, it’s important to make the body types different. So, the tall, skinny guy should be tall and skinny. The short, fat guy should be short and fat. |
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Dateline: May 12, 2006, 6:29 EST AMATEUR HOUR Since we are not professional, since we have no standards, we have decided to do all the artwork on the next project. We fully admit that we can’t draw our way out of a paper bag…but we refuse to let this terrible truth stand in the way. We are purveyors of B-Comics. To a certain degree, we are the artistic equivalent of a Russ Meyer film. |
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Dateline: May 4, 2006, 1:36 EST MISUNDERSTOOD VOL.2 You will suffer setbacks. Everything will be delayed. Years will go by without anything happening. You will question everything around you. |
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Dateline: May 1, 2006, 2:54 EST MISUNDERSTOOD You will be misunderstood. You will be accused. Don’t take it personally. Focus on the work. Try to distance yourself from distractions and harmful relationships… |
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Dateline: April 27, 2006, 5:12 EST THE BIG GOLD(EN STATE) DREAM We love the Golden State. We love writers from the Golden State. Chandler/ Hammett / Dick / Ellroy. Perhaps someday we will be lucky enough to get a hotel room in San Diego. |
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Dateline: April 25, 2006, 10:09 EST THAT INDEPENDENT $PIRIT Independence in America has turned into a marketing strategy. Yes, it’s true: we are “independent” and proud of it. Sort of like the Sundance Channel or certain self-righteous Fox “News” analysts. |
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Dateline: April 19, 2006, 4:39 EST THE LETTER AND THE SPINE Does the letter “I” improve the quality of your book? How about the letters “DH” or a “DC”. What about a “WTF”? Sadly, there are some under-enlightened consumers who feel obliged to remain loyal to these brand names. We wish them well. In truth, there’s only one name that matters on the spine and it’s NOT the bloated, over-sized initial appearing at the base of the spine. |
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Dateline: April 18, 2006, 9:41 EST PREPARING FOR DYSTOPIA Memorize your book. Just in case a Ray Bradbury scenario occurs. Just in case a crew of firemen enter the scene. Memorize your book…it’s easier than memorizing someone else’s. |
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Dateline: April 15, 2006, 3:49 EST STEPPING INTO THE SPOTLIGHT Look, your name is going to be on the cover, so you might as well give it a supreme effort. Quite possibly you will fail…at least make it spectacular. |
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Dateline: April 12, 2006, 2:53 EST SMALL CASE VS. UPPER CASE Decisions / DECISIONS. No one said the lettering part was easy… |
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Dateline: April 10, 2006, 11:53 EST FIGHTING THE CROWDS Yes, it’s a crowded market place…crowded with musty cape tales and slick movie tie-ins…crowded with “brand-names” and “franchises” and comedic actors masquerading as writers. We apologize for nothing. The “in-crowd” is being well served and the space underground is limitless… |
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Dateline: April 5, 2006, 1:45 EST THE NEW UNDERGROUND As the release date for S+B approaches, we are preparing to officially become a part of the “new underground”. Previously, we were a part of the “old underground”. Finally, FINALLY, we can quit pretending… |
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Dateline: April 4, 2006, 11:02 EST SALES FIGURES FOR SALE We dislike sales figures. They cheapen the argument and distort the facts. It is our stated goal NOT to make the USA TODAY “best-seller” list. At present, the only sales figure we are operating with is Zero, so this noble goal seems entirely within reach. We have been selling for years…we have nothing left to sell. |
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Dateline: April 3, 2006, 12:28 EST STANISLAW LEM: FRIEND OF SCIENCE We were saddened to learn that Stanislaw Lem, the Polish sci-fi writer, passed from this planet on March 27, 2006. In his honor, we started re-reading Return From the Stars. Lem was a “friend of science”. |
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Dateline: April 2, 2006, 4:29 EST SLICE-OF-DEATH COMIX Truth be told, we are not huge fans of autobiographical “slice-of-life” comics. We understand that non-storytelling is a form of storytelling…a form that sometimes reads like a 17th century diary written by an Englishman suffering from nephrolithiasis. True, at their best, autobiographical comics can reach a level of indispensable literature…and some do. Unfortunately, too many are studies in monotonous, tear-squeezing narcissism. |
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Dateline: April 1, 2006, 12:21 EST ANOTHER BLOG, ANOTHER GRAPHIC NOVEL Here’s the deal: the story will take years to complete. The facts will be presented in chronological order. No, S&B is NOT the “Graphic Novel to End All Graphic Novels”…there will be others, and our struggle goes on… |